Perdono
by S.E.Campbell
Summary: There is a legend that if one mourns the dead for too long, the deceased will become restless, and seek a way to end their suffering. Cissnei learns this lesson the hardest way possible. Cissnei/Reno; AU Scenario
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN FINAL FANTASY VII. This story was not made for profit in any way, shape, or form.

That being said, please enjoy!

---

The hallway was quiet.

The air empty of the screams and gunshots that had, just briefly, filled it and overflowed. The silence was heavy with the stink of death, that silence just after a storm where everything was still, afraid it may come back and ravage the land again.

One sound.

One steady, slow drip. Plink. Plink. It started, echoing faintly in the long, lonely hallway. Water? Who knew, it didn't sound quite... so right.

Plink. Plink.

Something moved in the lifeless hallway, something barely clinging to consciousness, animation.

The blood continued to drip, rousing that body, shallow breaths pumped back and forth into lungs ravaged by fire and smoke. Red stained the walls; smeared and splattered, showing the timeline of the storm that had torn through the quiet, death filled place.

More breathing, getting stronger, but not… there was a gurgle, soft and slow sounding.

The man had seen better days. His arms were burnt, the cloth, the skin up to his elbows ripped or fried away, long gashes etched deep into the bare flesh. Blood soaked the once spotless white shirt, untucked over the uniform the man wore, had always worn since taking his job. Legs bent at an odd angle, the bone snapped like twigs inside them. His ribs were broken, but not quite puncturing his lungs, but it made each and every breath a living hell.

The man was dying, and he knew it.

_Quickly_...

Turks were never late.

They were always where they needed to be, when they needed to be, no matter what time it was. They were on time for the situation, to finish the job, to go that extra effort to put on a good show for the crowd that would never cheer for them.

Cissnei was a Turk.

Therefore, she was never late.

But this time, she _was_.

Her team didn't get to the warehouse until after they got the message about the bust going south, when they should have been waiting on the scene. They were held up in another part of the city, unable to get control of the situation in time. But now, they were there, and they swarmed the building like a plague of insects, covering every inch in search of their fellow Turks.

Cissnei followed the fresh smell of blood up the stairs, giving a quick look to each body she found, searching for just one in particular.

Breathing. Off in the corner. Labored, but enough to still be alive.

Slowly, she approached the mangled figure on the floor, not realizing who she was seeing until...

"Reno..."

The blood coated him, making it difficult to recognize him, mostly due to the color seeping into his hair and merging. Reno turned eyes to her, off focus and blurred, not really seeing much of anything except shadows and shapes.

A slow breath was taken in, gurgling more than ever, as he opened his lips and tried to speak. "Sss.... Ciss..."

Despair overwhelmed him. Of all the people to show up, Cissnei was the last one he wanted to see in this state. Cissnei... did she ever know that- a chunk of something got lodged in his throat, and his body wracked with coughing until he managed to control himself. There was so much pain, he was practically numb to it, everything screaming at him from all sides.

"Cissnei, don't..." He whispered, twitching some fingers in her direction. What fingers he could twitch, at least. "Don't."

He had failed. Failed his mission… his life. He could see it in front of his eyes now, and he... he wasn't happy with it. It was too sad, too many missed opportunities, too many things loved and lost and never gained again. And Cissnei...

He was angry this was happening, he wasn't ready to go, he wasn't ready to die. He wanted to stay and do what he could, do what he was supposed to. Instead, he was a broken, bloody body, that couldn't even feel hot or cold anymore, or know that he couldn't even walk for want of bones. The face he wore, a blood stained mask, slashed almost beyond recognition, deep cuts like the ones on his arms.

"I..." Her weapon clattered to the floor, useless when its master couldn't even find the strength to hold it anymore. Seeing him like this... broken, defeated... she was almost sick.

They had been trained to handle anything they could come across in the field. Monsters didn't bother her, nor did the rotting corpses of the fallen that decorated the room like macabre art pieces, some with eyes still wide in the throes of death.

Women were given no quarter during those sessions in the training rooms either. They were shown countless images that would make even the most stable of person break on the very edge of madness.

Why couldn't she stomach _this_?

Cissnei fell to her knees beside him, wanting to reach out and help him, but not even knowing where she would start. What could be done for him? Could she even offer comfort?

Her small hand reached out to touch one of his blood-soaked hands, "I'm... I'm not going to leave."

Useless. That's all she was reduced to in this single moment. His reaction was to jerk back in pain, the skin raw and unable to deal with that pain. What skin she could see was quickly growing pale, bloodless. There was so much blood...

"Cissnei, I'm not going to make it... d-... don't have to see." He replied, wishing she would leave, go anywhere but here. His heart ached for her to stay, but he knew he must have looked bad, judging from her soft gasp.

He didn't want her to see him like this. He wanted her to remember him as he had been, strong and sure of himself, and not a failure.

"Tell the others... good job..." His voice was getting softer, harsher, the blood in his lungs collection. The blood was soaking into her pants, all the way up to her thigh, and it was then that she noticed she was kneeling in _his_ blood.

But what did that matter now?

"Reno, don't strain... just... you'll make it. They're coming with a medical team, and they'll fix you." Everything out of her mouth was a lie, but was she lying only to him, or to herself?

She wanted more than anything for him to live through this. To come into the office and tell her about his night at the bars, or even the wild times he had with his latest fling. Anything, so long as he was alive to tell it.

There were so many things to tell. Reno closed his eyes, the light giving him a headache on top of it all. He felt lighter, all of a sudden, like he could get up and float even if he was broken in several pieces.

"Fix me...? I feel better already... Cissnei."

There wasn't any pain at all now, even in his chest while he breathed. The slashes, the broken bones, he couldn't feel any of it, not even the numb... it was like, he was floating in a pool of water.

"We'll... go on a mission again, right? Like old times..." He whispered to the air, feeling wind coming from somewhere, giving him a direction.

"Cissnei."

The next breath was so hard to take, it felt like he was fighting against a current trying to take it away... the gurgling more of a rattle than anything else now, and soon he just... gave up. Too hard... it was nicer...

Floating...

_floating?_

"Cissnei! I..." He didn't know if she could hear him anymore. _Love you._

"Just like old times... and you'll be better than ever." Another lie. Why was it so easy for her to just lie to him? To try and pretend he'd be okay.

The blood in her clothes made her feel heavy. Heavy with what, though? Guilt? That she couldn't be there in time... couldn't even save him.

She saw his rapid descent into death, heard his ramblings, and did her best to keep up with him. Why weren't the medics up here? Why weren't they fixing him? Turks don't die like this. They don't slowly seep away into nothingness like being caught in a current; they went out in blazes of glory, fighting until the end. So, this couldn't be him dying, right? Maybe he was just going to rest.

But... the rattling. The breath in his lungs making one final attempt to escape. It vibrated her bones like nothing else.

"Stay awake!" She lurched forward, wiping the blood off his face in a panic, "Don't sleep..."

Whatever he said would be lost.

_Floating..._


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN FINAL FANTASY VII. This story was not made for profit in any way, shape, or form.

That being said, please enjoy!

---

"Why do you look so sad, Cissnei?"

The funeral. A bleak procession, dampened by the rain falling from the sky. Tears of mourning mixed with the pure water and fell to the earth, nourishing it and protecting it.

The voice sounded out of place, confused, _not there_.

The speaker wondered why they were ignored.

A coffin, fitted for the frame of the body, colored in the dark tones of mahogany, was lowered in the ground.

Tears mixed with the water, tainting the pureness.

The blood was gone, left, cleaned away in the mist.

And the speaker wondered.

It was quite the effort, holding in so much emotion while her comrades gave their final farewells. When it came time for her to speak, all she said were two words.

"I'm sorry."

When everyone else had departed, one person stood by the coffin, staring into the meticulously carved wood, trying to memorize the patterns before it was sealed away under pounds of dirt and tears.

Cissnei cried until she could hardly breathe.

---

It was days after the funeral.

People started to go about their normal routine, trying to work through the senseless tragedy that cast a grim shadow over the entire outfit. But not Cissnei.

Wisely, she was left alone in her grief, given time to work out her feelings before going back on duty. Most of the time she sat on one of the plush sofas in the lounge, staring out into the cityscape.

Reno always sat there, she remembered, just watching the city live.

"They ran out of coffee in the vending machine, again." The voice was cheerful sounding, even magnanimous. The form sitting next to her looked completely natural there, as if he owned the spot and it was his kingdom he looked down on.

"Why do you look so sad, Cissnei?"

At first, she thought it was one of the rookies playing a cruel joke on her, trying to rile her up into doing something other than just sitting here.

But... when she turned...

Her sanity had given out. That had to be the only reason that _he_ was sitting there beside her, talking to her as if nothing happened.

All she could do was stare at him, a cross between disbelief and absolute terror. "...what?" She asked, unable to think of anything else.

"You always look so sad, it's damned depressing." He shrugged, scooting a little closer to her.

Ghosts could scoot, couldn't they?

"So did you talk to the chief and ask him what's up? I haven't received any new missions in a few days. My desk seems kind of empty..."

Reno got up and stretched, never taking his eyes off the windows. The city behind. "I feel like I can do anything, and the guy says I need a vacation. Isn't that a little switched around?" Smiling, he turned and looked at her for the first time, the scars...

He was covered in scars. The slashes of his face, the skin on his arms... who knew just how his legs were supporting him? He looked whole, healthy... dead. Pale as a shadow... the scars gave him an otherworldly feel, like they weren't all there.

"You haven't been... yourself."

Cissnei looked around the lounge, seeing a few employees scattered here and there, but none of them seemed to notice the dead man next to her. What... what was going on? Her body curled up and away from him, shaking with fear as she continued to stare.

"You shouldn't be here." She began, holding her head as if she were in pain. "No... no, I saw them put you in the ground. I saw it. I saw you... on the floor... dying. Why are you here? You shouldn't be here!"

This pale, shadow of a man. Burned, scared, but... still Reno. Why was he sitting there so real? It wasn't fair, she thought, it wasn't fair that he looked so tangible. It wasn't fair that her mind was creating this image to remind her of the grief.

Cissnei started crying, like children do when they get too confused to figure something out.

Dying? That made no sense to Reno. He was here, wasn't he?

Alive... next to her.

"Cissnei?" He whispered, reaching out to touch her, seeing if he _could_ touch her. Looking so _sad_ she reacted this way...

"It's me!"

"It can't be you... you can't be here, you're in the ground. I saw them put you in the ground." She sobbed harder, wanting to be sick with all the guilt she carried over his death.

To make matters worse, his hand... it _touched_ her.

The weight of his hand pressed against her arm, it make her sleeve rumple and make a little noise, just like it should have it he had really been alive. But he couldn't be there. It was physcially impossible.

Her blood chilled as she stared at his hand, and her sobbing tapered off into pitiful whines.

"...you're afraid of me." The realization hit hard, and Reno's face went paler than it was.

That despair he had felt on the floor of the warehouse was there again, making him physically lurch and fall to his knees.

"I'm not... you fixed me. I'm here. Not in the ground." Reno whispered, and then- disappeared.

"Don't go!" Cissnei shouted to the empty air, causing all the others in the lounge to stop and stare at her.

What... what just happened? He couldn't have really been there, it was just her mind playing tricks on her. But... she could still feel where his hand had been, still see the indent on the sofa where he was sitting.

Getting up, she brushed past all the worried onlookers, whispering to themselves about how she was so sad... just so sad...

She needed sleep, and badly.

There was nothing, no answer, just a warm breath on her neck and the feeling that she wasn't quite alone.

_Floating._

Nothing and everything.

---

He was standing over her bed, watching her sleep. She looked so pretty like that, seeing her so young, but-

She looked so sad. Why was she sad?

"Cissnei?" He asked, sitting on the bed next to her. A scarred hand touched her shoulder, cold and chilled.

In a strange way, that feeling that someone was there, never leaving her side, it gave her some comfort. Enough for her to fall into sleep.

She was always tired now, unable to concentrate on anything, feeling her body wear down day after day with the effort just to stay awake. Sleep was her only comfort. For in those brief moments between dreams, she couldn't think of anything, couldn't remember what had happened.

The icy hand on her shoulder stirred her from her precious sleep, slowly bringing her back into the waking world. "Mm?"

"Cissnei..." Reno leaned close to her ear, wishing she could see him, hoping she could feel him.

She had fixed him, hadn't she? He was there. Not under the ground.

"Please."

Cissnei was still caught in the space between sleep and awake, but her eyes were open, still red and puffy from her crying spells.

"Please?" She mumbled, reaching out to touch his face, feeling the cold skin beneath her fingertips, the texture of his scars.

Wait... cold skin? Reno. The man who died in front of her was in her bed.

She sat up, scrambling to turn on the light to see him better. The scars on his face was accented by the light direction, his pale skin looking no better than it did before, in the lounge.

"Cissnei, don't!" He leaned forward and grabbed her shoulder before he could pull away. "Please don't... I want to see you."

The feeling under his finger tips, the touch of her skin felt like a furnace, hot and moist. Why did it feel so strange?

That feeling rose in his chest again, he looked so sad...

"I want you to tell me I'm fixed..."

Maybe she was dreaming, caught in some horror that wouldn't leave her be until she awoke again. Was this punishment?

"I..." Her throat closed up, making her choke on her words.

Cissnei brought her hands to his face, feeling the cold, yet _solid_ mass under her touch. Could it be possible? Could she have dreamed the funeral? The blood that stained her own skin, and still remained?

"They _couldn't_ fix you."

"But I felt so good... they didn't fix me?" Reno asked, his face dawning a terror stricken look. "I couldn't be fixed? I..."

No wonder she looked so sad, why she was so terrified of him... his touch, why she seemed so hot.

Looking down at his hands, he saw for the first time the scars that covered his forearms. "I'm not dead! See, I have scars."

It was a faint hope, a vague thought.

"I... I don't have answers for those..." She cried, sounding so pained, in such agony.

Cissnei reached into the drawer by her beside, pulling out what looked like a scrap of newsprint. It looked worn, held too many times, tear stains discolored the paper.

She handed it to him, "...the obituary."

There was a photo of him, a stock image of him used in personnel files and ID cards. The headline read, _'One of Shin-Ra's finest, dead in warehouse raid'_.

Taking the faded scrap, Reno read it slowly, trying to take it in a little at a time.

It talked about his life, accomplishments... and the date of his burial.

Ahh... it was too much. He dropped the scrap and stared at the wall, feeling numb, better than the despair.

"...how did I die, Cissnei?"

"The official word was that you bled to death," She whispered, keeping a hand on his face, still not believing... "You had broken bones, but you were... cut up too bad... they couldn't save you."

She was crying again, taking his hand and bending over it, as if to beg for his forgiveness.

"I... I'm so sorry..."

"Why... why did you tell me that?" He asked, slowly turning toward her, the look on his face could break a heart.

"I was happy that... that you were there. But I-"

Suddenly, he pressed her down against the bed, the full weight of his body (body?) holding her from moving.

"You lied."

_Weight_. His weight held her down. The weight he shouldn't have had, the touch she shouldn't have felt.

"I... I didn't mean to lie! I thought they would help you, I didn't know..." She was truly afraid of him now, staring up into the sad eyes.

What would he do to her? He... he wasn't mad at her, was he? He shouldn't have even been there to accuse her... though she knew she bold-faced lie to him.

"...I know." His face was so close to hers, the skin feeling like it was going to suck all the heat out of her body.

"I know. You were there for me. But..." He was whispering into her ear now, his breath cool and dry.

"But I wanted to live. I wanted..." A pause. What had he wanted? Floating in that pool... fading away from pain.

"To tell you..." Ice cold, his lips brushed up against her cheek, pressing a kiss of winter there.

A pause. He was pressed against her, feeling like... ice. "That I love you."

For a moment, she thought he would freeze the tears on her face with how cold his face was next to her warm one. She was shivering, like he was a chilled blanket covering her form.

His kiss was a piece of ice on her skin, so cold it was almost burning. She was feeling tired again, her heart rate slowing, and blood crawling through her veins.

"Love..." She whispered, fighting off the sleep, "Why... why didn't you tell me… before all this?"

"I never got a chance..." The ghost whispered, holding on to her so tenderly. "I never had the... nerve..."

Another kiss, this time near her mouth.

If this truly was a dream, she prayed, no... _begged_ whatever would listen that she wouldn't wake up.

It didn't matter that he was so cold, that his scars still crossed his body like some horrific tattoos, all that mattered was the fact he was talking to her. Touching her. Kissing her.

"I wish you would have," Cissnei sobbed, "I love you too. I always have..."

"Why didn't you tell me?" The words were barely a breath against her lips, the cold fire enveloping them, gently.

His knee gently nudged between her legs, seeking close contact, intimacy... everything he couldn't have when he was alive. Cissnei felt that kiss burn its way across her lips, chilling the corners of her mouth. The breath in her lungs went cold, but her body was heating up, despite it. The want of intimacy, the sudden rush of desire caught her off guard, making her whimper against his mouth.

_Warmth._ Warmth took hold, his dead flesh returning once again to what it had been. The color and wholeness returning to his face.

"Cissnei, don't let me go..."

"I won't!" She whispered, wrapping her arms around him for the first time, wanting to give him all the warmth she could offer.

She kissed him deeply, holding him tight, terrified he would disappear in a flash.

This was their moment together, that moment that never got to happen. Laying next to her, Reno kept his eyes wide open, staring at her as if he never wanted to forget her face.

---

The chill was coming back to him now, drawing his hand over her face. For a moment, he was tempted to suffocate her... draw her into the warm pool that- was it always there, at the back of his thoughts? That pool... that was so comforting.

"Cissnei, I don't want to die." The whisper was nothing more than a thought, his hands stroking her naked body. "Me? Dying... I want to stay. I can stay, right? Even though I'm underground?"

She was used to the cold now, feeling those marred hands tracing every curve of her form, though... lingering around her face and neck. It was enough to catch her attention, setting off a few alarms in her mind, but... he wouldn't have done something like that, right? Not after what they shared.

"If you're here, that means you can stay here." She took his hands, encasing them in her own to give him heat. "I will keep you here, somehow... I promise."

Why couldn't they have had this years ago? When they were younger and happy... both _alive_.

"I want you to be with me, Cissnei." The ghost said, leaning his face closer to her so she could see the pain in his eyes. The sadness.

"Forever."

His pain made her heart clench, but his words... there was something off about them. "But... you're here now, and we're together. I promise I won't leave, Reno. I swear."

He leaned forward again, as if to stay something, but a tear appeared in his eye. And he disappeared.

Cissnei woke up screaming.

---

She did her best to try and get some work done that day, hoping it would take her mind of the... realistic dream she had last night. That's all it could have been, right? Just a hopeless dream.

When she was off-duty for the night, she took the last bit of paperwork to the director, who was happy to see her back on the job. When she came back, however, she paused, staring at the empty desk that belonged to Reno.

_Used_ to belong, anyway.

"It's still empty..." His voice said beside her, a hand resting on her shoulder. "I keep checking, but it's still empty."

The look on his face could have broken a dozen hearts, the pure essence of disappointment and depression. "A mission... anything."

The hand carried a chill all the way through her blazer to her skin, and she glanced up at him.

"They'll never give you one, Reno." She mumbled, thinking this was just another waking dream. "They won't see you."

"I want ya to ask for me."

That was a simple request, right? He wanted a mission on his desk. It was the least he deserved for years of loyal service. Years of... duty, and pain.

"I want a mission... anything would help."

She nodded, going over to the desk and gently running her hand along the dark wood. "I'll make sure they give you one. Class A priority, alright? I know you loved those."

Turning to him, it was easy to see the wear on her body over the past few weeks. The dark circles under her eyes, her pale, gaunt features... she looked so... _old_.

"Class A... my favorite." He walked forward, touching her cheek. So concerned for her, her condition. "You don't look good, Cissnei... you should take a while off."

"I tried to go back to work, but it was too much. I can't concentrate." She rested her cheek in his hand, sighing. "I kept thinking about you. It's just so hard when you're not here, Reno."

"Tell the chief you need to rest... get yourself away for a while." The chill lips pressed against her forehead... resisting another urge to bring her with him, put her out of her misery. "Somewhere we haven't been together before."

"Hm, I think you're right." She sighed, feeling the ice against her forhead, which actually... comforted her now. "You and I... we never went to Costa together. I know of a few private beaches."

"Then tell the chief, and go there. You're... _killing_ yourself." Reno's eyes brightened at that, but his face remained the same.

She saw the light... saw how much pleasure he got when he mentioned her dying, and it started to worry her. But, what could he do? He was dead.

Cissnei leaned up to kiss his cheek, then went off to talk to the chief.

---

Later that night, the young Turk was packing her suitcase, having been given the vacation time immediately.

A cool kiss pressed against her forehead, heralding the sign of the ghost's presence. "There's still no report on my desk... I'm sad. Did the chief say no?"

"Tomorrow morning before I leave, there will be one. He just had to find the best mission that would suit you." She looked up at him, trying to smile.

The suitcase was closed and locked, set out by the door for tomorrow's trip, along with her passport to Costa del Sol.

Tiredly, she sprawled out on the bed, looking up at the ceiling. "It'll be nice to just sit by the water, you know? Maybe it can keep you warm."

"Hmm..." He sat near her head, watching her blink, her breath, even her hair. "Maybe. You can think about that tomorrow, though... you need to sleep." Reno was nuzzling her hair, cold and not... very warm at all. But not so much like ice. "Sun, sand... beaches. Think of it, at your finger tips."

She purred, already feeling the tug of sleep upon her. "And you'll be there, won't you?" Her hand reached out to touch his, afraid if he would let go, he would vanish again.

---

After hours in the helicopter, Cissnei was glad to be walking along the white sands of the beach, feeling the warmth between her toes. The breeze was cool, the sun was shining... and she had to admit, it gave her a much lighter feeling.

"This is perfect, isn't it?"

There was no answer, the presence by her side had faded, but... there was splashing out in the ocean a little way. Something was swimming there, even having a good time.

"Hey, wait!" She laughed - _laughed_ - and ran out into the water to catch up to him.

The water was warmed without being too hot, just the right temperature for swimming, she thought.

Grabbing her hand, Reno held it lightly, drawing her farther away from the coast, laughing and splashing her.

Laughing and splashing...

He dived, going down under the water, under the waves. Such a different world down there, all still and graceful. Graceful.

"Cissnei!" He called, drawing her under the water with him, down, down, into the dark.

Cissnei took a deep breath, diving under the water to chase the elusive Reno.

Fish swam around them, darting around in various patterns and speeds, but they would scatter whenever Reno went past them. Perhaps they didn't like the cold.

She followed him for a bit, up until the point she needed a breath of air, and started swimming back up to the surface.

His hand grabbed hers, hard. He was still pulling her down, pulling... pulling, urging her to the bottom of the ocean, where the fish laid to rest and the crabs enjoyed life.

Laughing, he kept pulling, keeping her away from life giving oxygen...

Cissnei was afraid of two things.

One, however juvenile, was spiders. Nasty little things that crawled all over so quietly you couldn't hear them sneaking up on you. It was the one time she asked any of the other Turks to do something for her, as she was always the first one to lend a hand. Spiders were minions of terror for the poor girl.

The second, and far less juvenile, was death.

Seeing death didn't bother her so much, well... depending on whom it was, but the thought of _herself_ dying... that kept her up at night. It was strange for a Turk to be so afraid of dying.

Her lungs were burning, screaming for air by then. She turned to look at him, terrified... begging him to let her go with her expression.

He kept pulling, letting the weight of his body drift forever downward...

but then, something grabbed her, and pulled her away from him. Up to the surface, to the light.

A kind soul had pulled her to the beach, having been lost on their way to the town. After making sure that she would be alright, he ran off, promising to send help.

Cissnei was laying under her umbrella, taking deep breaths.

Reno was sitting next to her in the sand, looking disappointed.

When she realized he was sitting there, she sat up, glaring at him, "You wanted to drown me."

"It seemed like a good idea at the time..." He mumbled, leaning forward to watch a bug crawl over the sand. "I'm dead... you'd be dead. We could do things."

"You don't even feel guilty about it, do you?" She got up, starting to pack her things and head back for the city. "I don't want to die, Reno, and now I'm going to have to watch myself around you."

She was so angry, so hurt that he would try to end her life. Did he not forgive her for lying? Or... something else.

Reno followed her where ever she went, exuding a feeling of sadness.

He hovered over her as she packed. "I didn't want to die, either... but I'm dead, and you're not."

There was a pause, just before her phone started ringing.

"But that doesn't mean that I should die just because you did," She mumbled, sitting on the bed and rubbing her eyes tiredly.

With a sigh, she picked up the phone, "Cissnei here."

"Cissnei," Tseng's voice came over the phone, sounding worried and concerned. "We heard from the hotel that you... aren't doing very well. Are you all right?"

Reno wrapped cold arms around her, pulling her into a hug.

"I'm alright. My foot got tangled up in some seaweed when the current got too strong, that's all." She hated to lie to her boss, but what else would she tell him?

That a dead man tried to kill her? She was seeing and talking to Reno still? They'd put her away...

She leaned against him despite what he had tried to do, after all... he was still Reno... and she loved him. "It was just an accident."

"We had heard that... you had tried to commit suicide." Tseng's voice was hesitant, unwilling to say that, but he felt that she wasn't coming clean with him.

"Suicide? Tseng, I just told you what happened! It was an accident..." She was angry now, angry that she would even be accused of such a thing. "You know me better than that."

There was a long, pregnant pause, and then Tseng sighed. "Cissnei... you haven't... exactly been acting like yourself. You've been depressed, making odd requests of us.... I almost feel like I should assign someone to watch over you."

The thought made Reno sigh, too, but for different reasons. It would have been romantic if she had. In a way.

"I appreciate the thought, but I don't need anyone to watch over me. I'm _fine_." She rubbed her nose in frustration, "Reno's death hit us all hard, why single me out? If anyone you should be talking to Rude, ask if he's okay."

She thought Reno was giving her sympathy and snuggled closer to him, grabbing a blanket too.

"Rude... doesn't ask us to place mission's on Reno's desk." Tseng sounded really worried now. "Cissnei, I'm flying in somebody and I want you to meet them. Talk to them. It will help."

"Fine. I'll take the next helicopter in the morning." _Click_.

She turned to Reno, looking none too pleased with him now, "They think I'm suicidal because of what you did, and now I have to talk to someone about it. Are you happy?"

"Maybe you should." He retorted, staring right back at her. "What kind of crazy person hangs out with a dead guy she has no future with? I can't come back, you don't want to die. What's the point?"

Then, he disappeared.

His words stung deep, and she suddenly felt that same loneliness she had at his funeral. She didn't mind this life with him. At least she could talk to him... touch him...

---

A few session of therapy and it was declared that Cissnei was suffering from a form of post-traumatic stress disorder. Well, in the therapist's mind anyway.

She was taken off active duty until she was mentally sound for the job, which didn't please her. All it meant was trying to keep herself from being bored, which was hard to do.

Reno hovered around her constantly, pouting and frowning at her, but refused to say anything.

He was losing his connection with that warm, gentle pool, and it was leaving him restless and frustrated.

When she couldn't take his sadness anymore, she finally spoke to him again.

"Why can't you be happy like this?" She asked, sitting up in bed and staring at him, "I don't mind what we have. I would be happy to see you everyday again, to continue as we are now. Why do I have to die? Aren't I... enough for you?"

The ghost faded into a blur in frustration, the entire form vibrating like an angry bee.

"I have no life! Nothing! I can't touch you but to feel burnt, I can't hold you but to feel like knives are cutting into me. I have no work, and no one to talk to. I want you _WITH ME!_"

Cissnei was crying again, but she didn't know why.

Who was she crying for this time? Him? Herself? She didn't even know. Tears were a regular occurrence now. As natural as breathing.

"I'm afraid to die!" She sobbed, hiding her face... not wanting him to see her shame.

The ghost imploded, popping out of existence in the same way that he had come to be...

There was no longer that familiar presence beside her, no more of the breath that would occasionally stir the hairs above her neck.

She was alone this time.

Alone.

She was alone for the first time since the funeral, and the feeling hit her like an oncoming truck.

Did she... make him disappear?

Forever?

Slowly, Cissnei stood up, walking into the space Reno had occupied not a moment before. There was still the last prickly feelings of chill in the air, but it was fading quickly.

"Don't go..." She whispered, "...I... I can't be alone."

There was no answer, no chill, not even a stir of something moving past her. He was gone, just like that. Escaped back to his warm pool.

Just like...

---

The air was still, free of noise, or disruption. In the bathroom, a creak. Plink. Plink.

The steady drip of water escaping from the faucet.

The noise caught her attention, since it sounded just like...

The warehouse. The blood. There was so much of it.

She wandered over to the faucet, tightening the spigot to stop the dripping water.

The water stopped dripping. no more tears The silence descended, shutting out the noise. Emptiness filled the air.

Reno was gone. He had been since the warehouse.

Had he even been there at all?

Just a memory, like the dripping faucet.

Silence.

Nothing but her own, shallow breaths.

Where was he? Gone. Buried.

And her friends? Accusing her of being crazy. Grief-stricken and unstable. Suicidal. Suicide

Cissnei didn't like to be alone, and for good reason. Her parents left her alone. The caretakers at the orphanage left her alone to care for the young ones. Shin-Ra left her alone when she was old enough to handle missions.

And now...

Maybe she _was_ crazy. Maybe Reno had never been with her. Never followed her. Never moved within his casket. Could she live with being alone?

So alone.

Reno had always made sure their weapons were cared for before going on a group mission. Had always held Rekka in his hand and examined every point. Carefully.

..._lovingly?_

He had watched out for her in life, always the big brother type, always friendly, but distant. Distant? Had it been distance, or...

Was he shy?

There had been many mysteries about him, some the other Turks enjoyed speculating on, but had never had the courage to question him.

He'd always said he needed to be drunk to approach a girl.

The weapons in her room were inviting. Reflective, clean, _sharp_. The perfect condition.

Perfect for...

It was the least she could do.

After all, it was her mistake that cost him his life. Her _fault_.

She couldn't save him.

And now... she couldn't even...

save herself.

Rekka was sitting there on her dresser. Polished. Clean. Not a speck of rust on her sharp blades.

Cissnei knew hundreds of ways to end a life with that weapon. Ways to make a quick death. A painful one. A slow one. Every kind.

Her hand touched one of the blades, feeling the precision.

A trail of crimson slid across the blade, down the metal. A tiny drop of blood...

There had been so much in the warehouse...

It wasn't so painful when the blade was sharp. There was hardly any at all...

Her reflection shone in the metal, pale and drawn. So many tears.

So much blood... that's what she needed. Blood, but no tears.

She wouldn't cry anymore.

Turks didn't cry.

Cissnei picked up the shuriken, pointing the tip of one blade right above her heart. It wasn't the quickest way, but she didn't deserve a quick death. She wasn't fast enough to save him, after all.

A sudden movement was all it took to lodge the blade deep in her heart. And a sudden movement to draw it back out.

No screams.

The blood flowed like water down her chest, through her clothes, soaking into the carpet.

She collapsed where she stood, but she wasn't dead yet. Not yet.

But... she could feel the warmth slipping away.

---

The warmth faded, replaced by the feeling of floating, rolling in a gentle pool. It was a different kind of warmth, one that was almost cold.

Hands pressed against her face, cold, then cool, and rapidly fading to warm. Scarred and rough.

There was nothing there. Not yet.

"Cissnei." Words were whispered, beckoning her on, forward, to leave herself behind.

Into the warm, floating pool.

"Cissnei?"

That voice...

It was so calming. So soft... loving.

"Don't... don't go..." She whispered, feeling precious breath escape her body with each moment.

Floating...

Drifting into sleep...

"Stay..."

"Cissnei!"


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN FINAL FANTASY VII. This story was not made for profit in any way, shape, or form.

That being said, please enjoy!

---

"Cissnei..." Weak with blood loss, delirious, the broken man opened his eyes, looking blankly around, searching for her. "Cissnei..."

There were people all around him, he could feel their warmth, radiating like furnaces. Why was he so cold...?

He was in a hospital bed, with various wires and tubes being hooked into him from various machines. Doctors scrambled to stabilize the broken Turk, making sure he would live through this.

"Reno, we need you to stay calm." Tseng's voice cut through the din of machines humming to life. "You lost a lot of blood."

Cissnei was nowhere in sight.

"Cissnei, I love you." He mumbled, not hearing Tseng's voice, not even wanting to. He wanted to hear Cissnei. The pain wasn't even an issue, but he wanted to see her so badly.

...he was alive, right?

"She's in another room..." Tseng tried to say, but the doctors ushered him out the door.

---

Late into the night, after the doctors had made sure Reno was stable, they left him alone to rest.

But that didn't stop someone from going into his room, shuffling in to sit next to him on the bed.

"...Reno." It was Cissnei.

Beep. Beep. Beep. It was the heart monitor, steady and even, if not a bit weak. There was so much less to pump, you know...

He had his eyes closed to the world, his face pale with the loss of blood. The only way to tell he was alive was from the beeping and the shallow breathing.

She had exhausted herself earlier that day, spending every ounce of energy she had into trying to Cure him.

It worked enough... hopefully.

When she fainted... the dreams she had were so... real.

Her hand reached out to touch his face, feeling _warm_ skin. "Wake up soon, okay?"

"I love you."

She stared at him, not having even seen him move... let alone speak.

"Reno?" She got closer to him, taking his hand in hers, "...I love you too."

The pain that her hand caused made him jerk and yelp, the machines going crazy at him. The burns had made him so sensitive.

"...sss... Cissnei?" He was awake, looking at her for the first time since he had arrived there. His eyes were clear, pain filled, but blue. "Cissnei... I... before anything happens... I love you. Don't kill yourself."

"Shhh... Reno, it's okay." She brushed hair from his face, being careful not to cause him anymore pain.

Kill herself? That... was oddly specific...

"I'm not going to kill myself, Reno. Who would take care of you if I wasn't around?" Cissnei leaned down, gently pressing her lips against a clean part of his forehead.

"No, Cissnei! Don't go to the beach... don't!" He reached out to grab her, and then pulled back when it hurt.

It hurt. He was alive. She was warm. It had been a dream...?

"Cissnei... I love you. I love you. Don't leave..."

She took his face in her hands, trying to calm him down so he wouldn't irritate his wounds.

"Reno... listen to me. I'm not leaving you... ever. Just rest for now, or you won't get better."

Slowly, softly, she pressed her lips to his, wanting to comfort him.

Did he... have dreams like she did? Nightmares...

"S'right..." Reno sighed, already calming down, and laying his head back.

Cissnei climbed into the bed with him, taking care not to jostle the wires and tubes too much, and curled up by his side.

She wanted him to have a little comfort, after all.

"When you're better, we can talk more."


End file.
